I WILL REVEAL ALL MY SECRETS TO A DEAF MAN.

It's been a month now, since dealing with living without "him"
all the sorrow.
the memories.
the resentment.
But it's different today,
the tears are now extinct.
i don't find a reason to cry anymore.
"situations will arise in our lives but we just gotta be smart about it."
hmmm, i guess i was dumb founded the whole time.
im feeling so much anxiety from the pain
i can't seem to grasp understanding with what he has done.
i don't think ANYONE will EVER understand the feelings im feeling
no matter how much i write about it, how much people tell me they could relate,
or how long it takes me to explain it.
it's easier for some people to say, "Let it go, he wasn't worth it"
which all are true
but, that's not what hurts.
it's knowing that i HAVE to let go when i don't want to, that kills.
i wasn't prepared to say good-bye
especially, when it took me a long time for me to say hello.
i've been told countless of time, God works in mysterious ways.
i can agree with that.
I don't believe "him" will understand that NO ONE will ever hurt me as much as he did.
How can a human being write out majority of my life?
no!
better yet,
how could i ALLOW a human being to write out my entire life?
it takes time to heal, i know.
but, the way i see it is, not even time could heal this.
only God.
so i keep praying every chance i get.
day & night, night & day.
im half way dead inside
i don't know what it will take for me to be alive again.
all i have is hope & faith.
i gotta keep believing in God & keep striving for deliverance.
Ask God for strength & guidance.
i NEED to let go & realize that this is life and people are going to fuck you over!
either you live & learn or you'll live miserably.
XOXO, Cherry Pamela♥

"they always say the hottest love has the coldest end"