Sadness Knows No Face

Last night i attempted to blend my tears with the water that fell from above
Even with the water that that fell from above
My tears were too bold to be disguised
As if the ground was pulled from under me
I fell,
And there i sat paralyzed until the water got cold and my body became numb
Until my eyes got blood-shot and the water hitting my body
Sounded as sweet as the acoustics from your voice
You know the way it used to sound way back when
How selfish of me
To only call on God when im in need
In need of help, in need of love, in need of guidance, and in need of a friend
I feel like im fighting myself just to stay alive
Constant visions of a dead me and a happy you dance across my mind
My used to be visions of forever
Replaced with visions of never
I cry because im sad
I've held on to so much thats it's almost impossible for me to let it all go
Just when i think I've let go of so much
I take a look inside and still im filled to the top
With heartache
I cry because I've done more than enough damage
To you and to myself
How can i possibly believe you loved me and you cared
When my own father dismissed me and my mother puts up with me cuz she has to
People always ask why am i so sad
And how can i be so pretty outside and so horrible inside?
It takes time.
Years of neglect
Years of not feeling wanted
Years of holding in all the pain
Years of ignoring whats in front of my face
Years of putting YOU before me
When i look at me and attempt to look past the reflection in the mirror
I just disgusted myself
It's me
A perfect stranger
How do i expect you to know me when i don't know myself?
This is why everything around me is failing
I have failed myself
I've lost myself trying to find you
In trying to make you happy
And putting myself together seems impossible
Like putting together broken glass
But i won't give up
I refuse
Because happiness is my goal
I want to love myself all over again
I hate myself and thats the truth
The little bit of love i had for me
I gave it to you
I have nothing left
so to you, do what you please with the love I've given
Take it and use it
Maybe for someone else
Maybe for yourself
God works in the most mysterious ways
He's slowly taking people out of my life
And for some strange reason
Two have always remained
And maybe this is a test for me
I have to learn to love me
Sometimes i need to put me first
Everyone isnt a friend and Everyone won't always wish me well
I know what i want and working for it
Is just so damn hard

Silly me;
I know it won't take a days result
So patience i will have to learn
I wont reach for the stars, I'll reach past them
Rethinking; if i love you then somewhere inside i love me right?
I just have to really look for it
Find out where the love for me starts and nurture it
Make it grow
Sadness knows no face
And shit, im just like the next pretty face
I still get sad just like you
END!