-YOU CHANGE FOR REASONS. . . EITHER YOU LEARN ENOUGH TO WANT TO OR BEEN HURT ENOUGH THAT YOU HAVE TO.

This is very emotional for me to express, i took the time to share this with you all but it wasn't easy for me to do!. i dont really want to get into details about it but i wrote this and its very self-explanatory!. when my book ,"Strip Naked To The Real Me" comes out then you all will understand exactly why this was written. *sigh*

"Don't worry about anything, instead pray about EVERYTHING." Philippians 4:6





ALL IN MY FEELINGS
my mind raced with 50 million thoughts at once
as i sit in an empty room reflectinq on how we ended up here
confused & uneasy
there's no point of livin in the past because i've already experienced it
there's no point of livinq in the future because that's where im goin to end up
so whats in between?
the present right?
every time i reminisce on the past a feeling of affliction runs up & down my spine
the kind of feeling that makes my body numb except for my heart
because though it beat, it beats slow
a constant vision of a dead me & a happy you dance across my mind
my heart triggers my brain to wake up but its still numb from the strain you've caused it
to you, you see nothing wrong with what's happening to me
you think you've got me all figured out
you think i base my emotions on assumptions
but whats happening is, im eternally dying slowly each passing day
and it seems like it gratify you because at the end of each day
im still in your life
i feel irritated
truth is i love you so much that Ive grown to despise you!
you disgust me
and with every agony emotion in my bones i await for the moment
where infatuation is no longer the key factor of keeping me here
i look around the empty room
the walls all painted black
the floor is red
and im tied down on a wooden chair
reaching for the door which is painted white.
this dilemma i wake up to every single day
is ridiculous!
tired of the bullshit!
so much shit, i think i got a new name for it
tired of you forsaking the truth.
i tend to roll my eyes when i hear you say "i love you"
oh how those three words can change a person
those three fake words that everyone seem to believe in
but what i really hear is "blah blah blah"
its a fabrication of the soul reminding another weak individual
they are "special" when really they are not!
i knew who i was dealing with when i first met you
but you also knew who you were dealing with too
im at a place in my life where nothing is tolerated
wow! how contradicting of me because i tolerate all your non sense
my stomach knots up, my knees buckle, my hands balled up to a fist; im angry!
i don't want to get victimize
all i want is the FUCKING TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i want control of my life again
i want my smile back
you've already taken the important things already
like my virginity
my sanity
& the organ carved in the most prized possession place in my body
it's all yours
so what's mine?
except all the shit
it seemed like in a blink of an eye everything changed
well at least for me.
the walls getting darker from my pain
the blood from my heart drips on the floor
i reach for the door but it seems to get further away
i know im waiting on a lost cause
because obviously you will never fight for me to stay
because this right here,
this will never change!!
she, her, & them will always remain in this broken frame
so paint me out of this fantasy
no more thinking of you...i need to do this for me!!!!!